I have only had my diagnosis for five weeks. Some days I feel like I was diagnosed a year ago and some days it feels like yesterday. There is so much to learn and understand and research and decide. It's safe to say that my condition is still on my mind every couple of hours.
But that's what I have to work with. I have to remember it's only been a month! A month of thinking about something that will be with me for the rest of my life. I sometimes get frustrated and feel like I should have the answers by now. I should know how I'm going to handle everything, life moves on, let's not dwell. The reality is, it's not dwelling. I'm allowed to feel frustrated and scared and angry. I don't have to put on a happy face and act like everything is fine, just so others feel better about my condition.
I went to the neurologist yesterday. He's obviously seen it all. He knows what a textbook case of MS looks like and he knows that what I'm going through is normal. He doesn't downplay my condition but he's also very seriously not alarmed by what I'm reporting and really, that should make me feel better. If your doctor is freaking out about your condition, it's probably pretty serious and they're not used to seeing it. Laissez faire attitudes should really keep me calm.
The other side of me wants to be assured that nothing that I'm going through is normal. Your foot is numb!? Jesus! That's crazy. You can't feel your hand and your vision is gone?!? GTFO! Let's all acknowledged that what's going on is super shitty.
Obviously, I much prefer the medical equivalent of 'par for the course' but when it really boils down to it I'd rather have none of this. So I'll let the Dr. play it cool while I go bananas on the inside.
MS. Diagnosed
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